Big Girls Don't Cry Lyrics Meaning

Okay, first thing's first: if you've seen the video, put that out of your mind. That's just one writer/director's interpretation, and it doesn't quite fit this lyric, mainly because of the line "this has nothing to do with you". In the video, Fergie sees her boyfriend doing a drug deal! Clearly, in the video, it has *everything* to do with him. He's on a path to pain and possible destruction, and she doesn't want to go down that path with him. Plus, the line "you're probably on your flight back to your hometown" has nothing to do with the video (in which he is there the whole time), either.

No, the song itself is much simpler than that, and I bet any guy who's ever been dumped by a girl he thought was in love with him will recognize it.

This is what used to be known as a "Dear John Letter", which is that note you get from your girlfriend saying you're breaking up. It contains these classic elements:
1) surprise! you thought nothing was wrong
2) it's over
3) there's nothing you can do about it
4) it's not you....it's me
5) let's be friends

And, of course, I know this because this song happened to me, too. So...on to the lyric.

The smell of your skin lingers on me now

This implies they had sex recently. And no, even that doesn't stop her from deciding to break up.

You're probably on your flight back to your home town

This means we have a long-distance relationship, which is another reason it isn't going to work out.

Oh, and together these first two lines indicate that he has NO idea they're breaking up, blissfully on his way back home after a night with her.

I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity

In my case, she didn't leave me for another person. She just wanted to be alone, face life on her own.

Peace, Serenity

Funny thing about this line: when we were together, she ended her notes to me with "Love,". Now, I get an email from her once in a while, and she ends with "Peace,". She even said she wants me to have peace. Thanks for that. You put my heart in a blender and you want me to have peace!

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal,

This part is classic "Dear John" material. "It's not your fault. It's not you...it's me". In my mind, it's all about lame excuses.

...myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do

Here's one off-the-wall possible alternative interpretation, based on this line: Nowhere in the song does it say that "you" refers to a guy. This could be a lesbian breakup, where the singer wants to become hetero, as in "myself and I, we've got some *straightening out* to do". Not that it's the right interpretation, but it certainly does give this song a totally different perspective!

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry

Having this relationship is like a security blanket, but she doesn't want that. She wants to take the risks of being her own person, moving on with her own life. In my real-life case it was like this. We each graduated college. I stayed in town, and she got an offer to work in another town. She had to choose between life in town with me (or life with me being her "house-husband" in the other town) or life on her own without me. She had a decision to make, and she made it. Read on...

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

Actually, it's been a long time since we broke up, and I have to agree with foreseeing "dark ahead". We were probably in for a long hard struggle if we'd decided to stick with each other. We would have had an uphill battle, beginning with the fact that neither of our families approved of the person we were with. I do regret seeing her end up with a husband and 3.5 kids. Damn it! Those ought to be my kids! That should have been our life! But, I digress.

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside

This is the "let's be friends" part. In other words, I love you, to a point. Our relationship is "kid's stuff", built on games and fantasies, but ultimately my "real" life needs to go in a different direction...without you.

One of the last emails I got from my ex said, "In many ways, I find it hard to believe that anyone could really love me as I was at 19 years old. I am a far better person in so many ways now." Maybe so. But sometimes I wish I'd had the strength (or strength of character) to do whatever it took to keep her. Oh, well. It's all water under the bridge now.

I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS and out]

Ironically, of all the girls I dated since my First Love, the ones I have admired most have been those who "stood on their own two feet". But in this case I wanted her to hold on to me (for better, for worse, etc.).

The last thing about this song: listen to "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White Tees, then listen to this song as a "response" to that.
I admit it's a little cynical, but the counterpoint of this song versus that one blows my mind, especially thinking of that guy as a blissfully ignorant, arrogant dude (thinking he's got Delilah all wrapped up and he can now go off and change the world) about to get kicked to the curb.

Apologies to Fergie if it's not what you meant.